The Rescue of Tina

First story I’d ever written in early 1983
transcribed by the adult me
(with added commentary)



Dedications

This is dedicated to my brother who suggested I give up poetry.
To my mom who is going to be a grandmother soon.
To my sister who I haven’t seen in a long time.
To Eddie who brought happiness to my mother.
To Bill Greene who was my mom’s square dance partner.
To Dad who divorced my mom.
To Bill Sevick to just went off to be himself (fun-loving).
To Judy who I met only once.
To grandma who is in the hospital.
To grandpa who is a square dance caller.
To Uncle Bobby and Aunt Sarah and Steve who make one great family.
To Aunt Carol who I might have next year in school.
To all my cousins who I had fun with.
To Snoopy grandma and grandpa who make great grandparents.
To all my friends who I think so much about.
And to all the movie stars in the world and last but not least to my favorite
Horse, Clancey, who has the spirit of Daniel.
[Talk about not wanting to leave anyone out!]

Back Cover Summary

What would you do if the girl you loved was chained to a wall in a castle in a faraway land and was going to be thrown into a moat 300 feet below? Well, read 'The Rescue of Tina" and find out what Daniel the winged horse did and how he saved Tina the true love Miss Owl told him to find. You'll find adventure, love & comedy in 'The Rescue of Tina.'

Last chance to back out and return





All right, you asked for it . . .



I

Flutterby was a small winged horse that had two sisters, Carla and Dee Dee. Her big brother that was really nicer and kinder to her than her sisters, but he was kind to them too. [hello, sentence fragment!] His name was Daniel. One day Daniel set out to find the missing girl in his life.
[All right, bad start, I’ll admit. You don’t begin a story with a secondary character and irrelevant information.]
“But Mom! I’m 15 now and I should have a chance to go out into the world to look for that girl. I’ll find her and we’ll get married. I’ll come back soon if I don’t find her. I promise,” argued Daniel. [Well, that was sudden. Not to mention, wouldn’t there be a colony of these little winged horses in the trees, so Daniel wouldn’t have to go so far to find someone to propagate with? At least I’ve jumped into the main plotline quickly! Lol. Oooo . . . baaad dialogue tag, though.]
“Well, I don’t know Daniel. You know how your father is about these things. You can’t leave until you are 20,” Daniel’s mother reasoned. “It’s O.K. with me so far. You’re just going to have to get an O.K. from your father that’s all.”
“Thank you Mom! Now I promise I’ll come back if I don’t find her,” Daniel said excitedly. “And don’t be worried about me, I’ll be all right.” [Gah! That was easy! I would think she’d put up more of a fight.]
“Just stay out of the clutches of the fox, Danny. You know how Dad hates the fox. And don’t talk to any strangers,” Dee Dee yelled across the leaf.
“Hey kid! Who’s the one who’s going to leave from here? You or me?” Daniel yelled back.
“Yes, Daniel. Whatever you do, don’t go into the glade. That’s . . .” Daniel’s mother warned. [bad cutoff there with an unnecessary dialogue tag.]
“I know,” Daniel finished, “that’s where the fox is.”
“Daddy!” yelled Dee Dee happily.
“Here’s your father, Daniel. Ask him,” his mother coaxed.
“Hello, Dad. Uh . . .can I . . .uh . . .” Daniel asked unfinished.
“No son. You can’t leave until you are 20. And that’s that,” his father told him.
“Dad! I’m almost 20 [I thought he was only fifteen?? How does that make him almost twenty?] and besides I want a girlfriend!” Daniel yelled.
Everything was quiet in the forest like everyone heard him. Then his father spoke, “Son! Watch what you are saying to your father. I am your father, you know.” [Erm . . .well, duh!]
“Well, you sure don’t act like it!” Daniel yelled at his father. “I’m leaving and that is that!”
“Daniel, you step one foot out that door and you are grounded for a month!” his father warned.
“You’re going to have to find me first!” And with that, Daniel flew off as fast as he could in case his father took off after him.
“Daniel! You come back here or I’ll go after you!” his father yelled angrily.
“Charles! No! Let him go,” Daniel’s mother told him.
“That’s how much you care about your son, huh?” Daniel’s father yelled. And he stomped away. [Whoops! Tad bit of a POV switch somewhere there.]
Daniel’s mother began to cry. Carla walked over gently and sat down beside her mother.
“Don’t worry, Mom. He’ll come back. And Dad will make up to you.”
“Oh Carla, what if he gets lost?” his mother cryingly asked. [Cryingly? Lol! That has to be my favorite made-up adverb yet!]
“He won’t. If I know Daniel, he’ll come back. I hope.”
And his mother cried silently on Carla’s soft shoulder.

[Hmm . . . This is what one gets with the lack of experience in writing and life in general. There is so much here that can be improved, if I wanted to spend the time working on it (which I might do sometime, just for ha-ha’s.) However, digging deeper for the main essence of what I see, I do have to say that the plot conflict has already been presented, the main character feels some turmoil, and is moving forward to resolve it. Daniel has spunk, so to say; a good main character does things, not reacts to things. Though the chapter lacks description and the POV jumps everywhere, it’s not bad for an eleven year old’s first attempt at writing.]

II

On and on Daniel flew until he came to Miss Owl’s home. The dark, gray trunk was a sight for sore eyes. He landed silently on a branch next to the solatare [I think I meant ‘solitary’] home and he knocked softly.
“I’m coming, I’m coming,” she said in a gray voice [what’s a ‘gray voice?’] and opened the door. “Daniel! How nice to see you. Come in, come in. So what have you been up to and why did you come here?” “I had a fight with my father and I had to go somewhere and so I came here. For only one reason though. To help me find a girlfriend. [I thought the reason was because he had a fight with his father!?] Would . . .” Daniel asked.
“Of course I’ll help you and it isn’t too much bother. I’ll get my crystal ball. [Why is it that every fantasy has to have a ‘seer’ in it?] Sit down and make yourself at home. I’ll make some tea. Do you want some?” she asked.
“Yes, thank you,” Daniel said politely and he looked around. The eerie spider webs didn’t make this home a popular home but it was cozy. She had many paintings. They were all beautiful. Then his eyes came across one certain picture that made him feel uneasy. It was a picture of an owl and it had a winged horse in its talons. The sight of the blood made him shiver. [Sheesh, I’d hightail it out of there if I were him. Heyyyyy . . . what’s he doing there in the first place? ‘Come, my little pretty, into my lair . . . I’ll make some tea and lull you to sleep so I can EAT YOU! Bwhahahahaha!’]
“Oh, I see you like my picture of the ‘owl hunter.’ My cousin caught that little winged horse for supper so I drew a picture of it. Came out nice, didn’t it?” she asked. [How nonchalant of her. ‘Oh, yeah, by the way, we eat your kind.’]
“Uh . . .yes it did,” he said uneasily. So that’s what happened to uncle Loyed. I knew it.
“Have some tea while you wait for my prediction,” she said and gazed into her crystal ball. “I see a light. It’s Tina. [Huh?? How does she know this already?] A little winged horse that is calling for you. She is telling you to follow her.”
“That can’t be,” Daniel said doubtingly. [*snicker* Another awful adverbial dialogue tag!]
“Come see for yourself.”
Daniel gazed into the crystal ball and he saw the most beautiful winged horse he ever saw.
Her mane was a beautiful grayish-black and her eyes were sky blue. Her coat was white with a tint of gray in it. Her gentle hooves brushed against the top of the tree-tops as she flew silently away. She was calling to him. She looked back at him and instantly he fell in love. True love. [That was quick! Don’t you think they ought to go out for malteds or something first? Movie? Dinner?] She winked at him and flew gently away. Her wings had a graceful movement to them and deep inside he cared for her. Then he looked a Miss Owl.
“She loves you, Daniel. She wants you to follow her. She is lost in a faraway land. You search forever her footprints in the sand. You feel she needs you, you’ve got to answer. A desperate call that you do not understand.” She continued with her incantation. “The burning bridge, the lonely highway. Another dark night thinking alone. What are you doing? Are you just dreaming? It does not matter but there’s one thing that you know. [That has to be part of a song from somewhere. Ew, that’s awful, not to mention copyright infringement.] You’ve got to save your true love. Go now, and when you come to a place where you do not know, nothing is familiar, you will come to a cave. That is the only place you know. [He’ll know the cave in a place where nothing is familiar? How, exactly?] You will find a map. In the map you will find a key and a sword. Take them both, and follow the map. [Nah, just discard the map. Every fantasy has a map in it, you don’t really need it.] Go now and find your true love.”
“Thank you, Miss Owl. I will go,” he told her as he flew off. [Suddenly, he’s a zombie? He’s been enchanted and brainwashed! Daniel! Don’t go! * commentator reaches out with hand in desperation * Don’t go! It’s a trick!]

[Blegh. Terrible. But, on the upside, Daniel has a purpose now and he’s not just itching to get it on with any female winged horse. He’s found his true love! Hah! Like ‘love at first sight’ really exists!]

III

Daniel flew through the forest quietly not to make any noise to wake up the terrifying fox. Flying over the glade was the scariest thing in a winged horse’s life. [I would think the owls would be!] It was true he wanted to find his love but he wanted to rest. If he rested, another winged horse would come and get her. [And he knows this?] No, he will keep flying until he gets there. He flapped his wings more furiously every second he thought about her. He looked back to see how far he has gotten. Then, SMACK! He ran into a hollow tree which woke up the fox. Unconsciously, Daniel fell to the ground. [Well, if he were conscious, he wouldn't have fallen, I suppose!] Luckily, he fell into a patch of briars because the fox saw him fall. [Very lucky. Too lucky. Guess I didn’t want the poor thing to die so quickly.]

The fox charged at him and Daniel lay unaware of the danger that lie ahead of him. The fox dug his way through to Daniel and started to charge him. [I hope the interest rate wasn’t too high!] Then the fox yelped. Daniel woke up and saw the fox running for cover. He sat up and he saw another winged horse. He was an odd color. He was light brown and black with little splotches of white. [That’s not terribly odd]

“The fox would have gotten you if I wasn’t so bighearted and loving. [And modest!] My name’s Loyed. [How uncreative! Same as his uncle’s name.] What’s yours?” the winged horse asked.

“Daniel. Where did you come from?” Daniel asked.

“I was watching you in the tree you bumped into when you turned around. Do you mind if I call you Danny?” Loyed asked questioningly. [Augh! Redundant!]

“Sure. Why didn’t you warn me about the tree?” Daniel asked.

“I thought if you heard me yell ‘look out’ you would have looked up and you would have bumped into the tree anyway. So what’s the use?” [Lol! ‘Eh, ya woulda been stupid no matta what I did, Danny-boy!] Loyed kidded. “Where are you headed?”

“To find the girl I’ve been looking for all my life. She’s lost in a land and I have to find her,” Daniel told him.

“Well,” Loyed added, “are you going to get up and look for her?” [Chop-chop! Let’s get going here! On with the story!]

“Yea, but I seem to be a little lightheaded. Do you mind if I sleep here for the night?” Daniel asked.

“Sure. But you are going to have to sleep in a safe place. Up in the hollow tree you ran into! [Oh, the irony!] That has a not so bright room [Errr . . . duhhh. . . .I'm a hollow tree . . . durrr] but its safe,” Loyed told him.

And so they both flew up into the tree and fell fast asleep. [Who . . wha . . .? Zzzzzzzzz]

In the morning, Daniel's father flew off to find him. He remembered that when Daniel had a problem, he would go to Miss Owl's place. So off he flew to find Miss Owl. [How convenient!] He landed softly on the branch next to the tree and knocked loudly.

"Coming! Coming! Oh Daniel's father! Come in, sit down," Miss Owl told him politely.

"What have you told my son now?" asked Daniel's father angrily.

"I beg your pardon? [Something my mother said a lot, I remember . . .] What are you talking about?" asked Miss Owl.

"You know right well what I'm talking about. [Yeee-haw! Get your corn-pone and stuff!] You told my son something that made him take off." Angrily he threw a vase at Miss Owl. [Whoa! Violent temper you got there Charles!]

"How dare you throw a vase at me Sir! [Especially seeing how proper and stuffy I am!] Get out of my house this instant! And don't ever come back! And you know right well that your son can come over here and ask me questions. All I do is give him answers. [Erm . . .that was vague.] Now leave!" Miss Owl yelled.

"I'll find him myself thank you!" [You're welcome] And he walked out the door and flew off.

At home, Flutterby, Carla, and Dee Dee were planning to search for Daniel.

"Now we're going to have to go to Miss Owl's home to ask her where we can find him," Carla reasoned.

"But what if . . ." Dee Dee asked unfinishedly. [Oooo! Another awful dialogue tag]

"Shhh. Dad's here. Now don't anyone mention about us leaving here," Carla warned.

"Hi Daddy! How was your day?" Carla asked happily. [Couldn't I have combined these two quotes?]

"Miss Owl told Daniel something to make him fly off and we are never going to see him again," he told everybody. [And he knows this for a fact apparently.]

"Miss Owl would never do a thing like that. All she gives is answers to our questions," Carla told Dee Dee.

"Hey Danny, wake up your foot is on my nose," Loyed said sleepily. [BAM! How's that for a sudden POV/scene switch?!? Eh?? EH??? DID I JAR YOU OUT OF MY STORY YET? *commentator gives reader a brisk, angry shake* EH????]

"Just because you're laying on my wing," Danny kidded. [Lying, Danny boy, lying. :P]

"Get up you lazy bum. You've got to look for whatshername," Loyed said as he was stretching. "Where do we start?"

"We just have to keep flying [and flying, and flying, and flying . . . ] until we come to a place where nothing is familiar," he continued. "And I mean nothing is familiar." [Well, I thought you meant some things could be familiar, in an unfamiliar sort of way, you know . . .]

"This place is unfamiliar to me," Loyed whispered.

"It isn't to me," Daniel added. "I know this glade and why were you whispering?" [Good, glad Daniel caught that. I would have had to comment.]

"I'm ashamed to say that I don't know this place. It's so popular," he whispered again. [Oooo, it's, like, totally gag me with a spoon popular!]

"Not really. It's just popular because a fox lives here," Daniel told him. [Eh *shrug* you know, the usual.]

"So that's what I kicked. I wasn't sure. I just said I kicked a fox because . . . I closed my eyes," he joked. [That was a lame reason, Loyed.]

"How could you see?"

"I couldn't. [No! Really?!?] That's why I gave it my best shot," he said lazily.

"That's weird. [Thank you, Daniel, for pointing out the obvious!] I didn't know you kicked him."

"Because you were conked out."

"Uh huh. Well, let's go, [this conversation is pointless, Loyed.] " Daniel said as he breathed in the clean, crisp air. Daniel whinnied and he took off in a big leap. "Come on while it's still cold."

"It's too cold! My feet are sensitive to the cold," Loyed yelled.

"You're not going to be walking! Ohhh, my wing aches," Daniel groaned.

"That's because I was sleeping on your wing," he called. [*sigh* We've established that already!] "Well, here goes nothing!" Loyed took off in a big leap and flapped his wing furiously. [He only has one wing apparently.]

"Hey this air is nice," he yelled.

The pair flew through the forest quietly because the dew was still on the grass. [Shhh, don't wake the dew.] That's how they knew that everyone was still in bed. [Oh, right. How silly of me.]

"Let's rest now. I'm tired," Loyed said and he dived down and laid next to a tree and fell asleep. [Narcoleptic! Daniel's traveling with a narcoleptic horse!]

"Oh brother," Daniel moaned and he looked back. He saw the fox sneaking toward the only friend he had. [Poor Daniel wasn't too popular in his home lands, unlike the glade where the *ooo, gaspeth, and add in an awed whisper* fox lives.] "Look out Loyed!" he called. But Loyed slept silently on. [Sound sleeper!] Daniel swooped down and he struck the fox on the back, sending him up into a tree. [According to this account, these winged horses are about ten times more powerful than ants, proportionally speaking, that is.] He collided into the tree Loyed was sleeping under and Loyed woke up. He took off so fast he knocked Daniel out of the sky. Daniel was saved from a leafy grave by Miss Owl. [But a 'leafy grave' sounds so pleasant!]

"Hey sport. [Ew] I thought you were there already," Miss Owl chuckled.

"No Miss Owl. [Can't you see, you've saved me from a leafy grave?] I can't find the place. Could you help us?" Daniel asked pitifully. [Geez, you haven't even left the glade yet!]

"Us who? And no I can't," Miss Owl said sadly.

"Us who? Loyed and I. He's up there." He pointed up to Loyed and signaled for him to come down. "Come on down Loyed. It's all right. It's only Miss Owl. [She only has family who will kill and eat our kind, and possibly the tendency to do the same. Oh, it's all right.] She's my friend. What can't you help us?"

"If you really love that girl, you will find the land," Miss Owl reassured him. [I'm beginning to think Miss Owl doesn't have a clue where this land is.] "I just came to find you and tell you your father is looking for you and he intends to find you if you don't get there in time."

"My father? Well, we better get going then. Come on Loyed," he called to him.

"Bye Miss Owl. Nice to meet you," Loyed told her and he jumped and flew off and was still looking at Miss Owl [Think he has a crush on her?] and he collided into Daniel.

"Watch out Loyed!" he yelled. "One of these days you are going to be a hazard." [One of these days? What about right now?]

"Sure he's been here. I told him to go to a land to find the girl of his dreams," [You know, I sent your brother off to some miscellaneous place in search of something unattainable again . . . he always falls for it! Ahahaha!] Miss Owl told the girls.

"Do you know where this land is?" questioned Carla. "We've got to find him."

"Yes, [So she does know, but she ain't talkin'!] but you are going to have to be careful when you search for it. It's a very dangerous place. That's why I send Daniel there. [*sob* I love that boy so much, I wanted to put him in terrible peril!] I thought he would be old enough. If anything happens to him I'll never show my face again," she said cryingly. [Here, have a paper bag.]

"Don't cry. You were right, Daniel was old enough. He won't get into any trouble. Trust me," Carla reassured.

"Oh, I hope so," she said and she smiled a little. "Well, I suppose I could watch him in my crystal ball. [Gak! The crystal ball again.] I'll go get it. Make yourselves at home."

"We will," Dee Dee told her and she put her hooves up on the table.

"Dee Dee!" Flutterby warned. "Miss Owl will get mad."

"At what children?" questioned Miss Owl. [That was quick!]

"I'm so sorry, but Dee Dee here put her hooves on the table and she scratched it a little," Carla told her guiltily.

"That's all right children. A lot of my food I catch scratches the table so much I really don't care," she reassured. [What's she doing putting her food on the table anyway? She's an owl! Wait! She's an owl! Why does she have a table?]

"No wonder she has a spotty table," Dee Dee whispered to Flutterby. Flutterby giggled.

"Be quiet you two! Excuse them, Miss Owl," Carla said ashamedly.

"Why? We didn't burp. Or did we?" Dee Dee joked. [Shut up! Shut up! She'll eat you!]

Carla gazed at them in her meanest look. "If you two don't be quiet, I'm going to have to send you two home!" [Or those other two standing behind you, whichever of you won't shut up!]

Dee Dee stuck her tongue out at her sister.

"Little sisters!" Carla said, sighing. "Who can figure them?"

"Not me, I had one too. [Eh, whatever, girls] Well, I see a light. It's . . . TINA! Tina is yelling for help," Miss Owl yelled and she jumped up. "I've got to tell Daniel."

"Who's Tina, Miss Owl?" asked Carla.

"I'll tell you later. Stay here." She jumped up and flew off to find Daniel.

"Loyed, I feel a vibration. Tina needs me! She's in trouble. We've got to save her. She calling for help!" Daniel yelled. [Good guesswork, would be my assumption.]

"You're crazy. You can't pick up a vi . . .WAIT FOR ME!" Loyed screamed. "You have gone crazy!"

"When Tina calls me I have to go. She yelling for me like she's in pain." He sped up.

"Daniel! Wait for me!" Miss Owl called. [I swear she's omniscient.]

"Miss Owl! Tina needs me! She's calling for me," he yelled.

"I know. You've got to find the land and fast," Miss Owl told him. "I've got to go home now. Hurry and find her, she's in trouble!" [Weelllll . . . that was pointless. Lol.]

Miss Owl turned around quickly and headed back home. Daniel sped up and almost smacked into a tree.

"You are flying like a drunken horse! Slow . . . OOFFFFF!" He ran into a tree and he tried to speed up and he caught up to Daniel.

"How do you expect me to fly as fast as you when I keep flying into trees?" Loyed questioned. [Hahahaha! Sounds like Loyed is the drunken one!]

"That's your problem. My problem is to help Tina," he called back.

"Some friend you are!" Loyed shouted.

The two flew through the forest and Loyed couldn't stop bumping into trees. [Yep, Loyed, the conceited winged narcoleptic drunk.]

"If you were careful, you'd be a hazard!" Daniel kidded. "Hurry up! We're almost there! I can feel it!"

Miss Owl got home and told the children that he knew, so she made the trip for nothing. [Hahahaha! Made the trip for nothing. Yes, you did, Miss Owl.]

"Not really Miss Owl. Just knowing that he knows that you know what he knows is enough. You know," Dee Dee said complicatedly. [That's hilarious!]

"Uh huh. [Yep, another brush off. Seems most of these characters are typical of that.] There's Daniel. See how fast he's flying. If you want to follow him you are going to have to fly that fast. Maybe Carla should only go. Go now while he's still near," Miss Owl instructed.

"I will and thank you," Carla leaped and flew off to find Daniel.

"You two should go home now," Miss Owl told them.

"Are you sure Carla will be safe because I don't want to lose a sister too," joked Dee Dee.

Miss Owl giggled and sent them on their way. ["Silly little girly-girl horsey. *pinches Dee Dee's cheek* Go now before I decide to devour your heart, liver, and lungs, and use your bones as my 'beak pick.'"]

"What will Dad say when we come home and Carla didn't?" questioned Dee Dee.

"We'll tell him the truth," answered Flutterby.

"We'll get whipped for that!" said Dee Dee surprisedly. [Whipped! Yikes! Charles does have a nasty temper!]

"Not if we tell him the t-r-u-t-h-l-i-e," answered Flutterby.

"Oh! Yea! The t-r-u-t-h-l-i-e," laughed Dee Dee.

They both giggled and flew straight home to tell a story about Carla not coming home. The truthlie. [Oh. Phttt. They won't get whipped for that, of course.]